My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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