things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my shit smells like andre
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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