its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
