Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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