I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
