Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
