God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
