It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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