I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
