Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
not ubering you a puppy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
