you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
