well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
