very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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