you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
