i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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