Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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