He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
