What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
