I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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