but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
