I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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