I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
