i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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