i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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