I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
