from now on my penis is your penis
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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