...so i touched it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
