Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
