The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
