matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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