That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
