your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need a beard to bite.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
