shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
