His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You have to summon your inner elephant
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
