His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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