I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
