direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
