Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
