He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
