Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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