my mouth tastes like poor choices
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
