party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
