My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize