Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
