This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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