I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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