Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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