dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
