DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
