she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
