I hope mine doesn't look like that
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
