I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
