Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Two words: blizzard sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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