you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
