I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
