she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
