Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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