Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
