there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
