"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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