You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
