Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
