I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
