Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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