You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My life is pants optional.
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