My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
