i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
