My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
