I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
